Life Where You're Expected to be PERFECT!

Hey I got my hair cut today but that's not what made it bad. I just thought I should share the start of my day. It is Monday so I should have seen this coming. Well I didn't have to go back to school today but I go back tomorrow. The first half of the day was good. Like I said I got my hair cut and I really like but its sorta hard to see with heaka long bangs in front of your face. So I went to my dads office thing, more like airport - small airport. And right as I was leaving I kept getting criticized, a little criticism is good but not this much. I got so upset I didn't say more than 2 sentences to anybody at any one time. The only person I had a conversation with was Zac but thats differnt I can talk to him anytime, he is the only person who makes me feel good about myself! It's hard when everyone looks to you and wants you help, your advise. It's stressful when your expected to be perfect! And it hurts when people say "Oh, you think you're 'all that'!" And I don't think that I just try to be what everyone wants me to be and try to be the perfect "Miss Popular". When actually people whouldn't even know who I was if I didn't have the friends that I have! But now that they think that I think I'm 'all that', they dont like me. I'm still popular around school because Mady and everyone else use me. And I just have to let them because what else do I have to do. I can't sit around and mope all day. I ACT like I'm OK. I ACT like I'm oblivious to them using me. But I'm NOT. A reason I wan't to be an actress. And people say that I can't be because I can't act! Newsflash: I'M ACTING RIGHT NOW! I have to cry myself to sleep somenights because of what people say about me. That crazy chic you see around school is not me. That just another act! Everyone says they want to be normal, but normal is just a state-of-mind. But when you have to be 'normal' in everyone elses eyes. You become a million different people. A million different ACTS!!! What happend to just be yourself? In this world you have to be 'one of them'. Ya, ok, acting makes me be 'one of them'. But with acting you can experince differnt people in differnt situation, just trying to make it through another day. You can PLAY differnt roles. But at the end of the day you come back as yourself, but knowing what it's like to walk in someone elses shoes. And you learn from that character experinces and learning how those people tick. But at the end of the day you are you! And you don't have to pretend. But right now it's not like that for me I have to ACT 24/7. And that gets real tireing. It's just, just stressful, just hectic, just crazy, just not the way it should be...